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작성자 이수진 작성일18-07-05 18:18 조회9,680회 댓글5건

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김종구님, 이름으로 불리우기를

-故김종구님 고별사-

 

 

0a57aa66d529fea086b0182896372086_1530782 

 

"종구 형-----, 종구형님 보셨어요? 종구형님!! 어디 계셨어요! 집에 가서 식사 하세요"

돌아보면 한참 어린 것들이 당신을 형님이라 부르며 살았습니다. 열심히 노력하셨으면, 더 나이 많은 자녀가 있을 차이였지만, 모두들 당신을 형님이라 불렀습니다. 조금의 당황과 머뭇거림이 없는 것은 아니었지만, 당신은 저와 우리들 가운데 가장 나이가 많았고, 그렇게 큰형님이 되어 한 세월을 살았습니다.

성서에 보면 하느님은 예수를 예수, 내 사랑하는 아들이니 내가 기뻐하는 이니라라고 부르셨다고 합니다. ‘종구라는 부모님이 지어주신 이름으로 불리웠던 당신. 하느님은 어떤 이름으로 부르셨을까? 항상 궁금했습니다.

 

최원철 부장님이나 이 사장님, 차 소장님이 일하면 그 주변을 맴돌면서 열심히 치우고, 보조역할을 능숙하게 하셨으니 그것과 연관이 있을까요? 집을 지을 때 이런저런 도구를 능숙하게 다루며, 정리정돈을 잘하셨던 행동과 관련이 있을까요? 아니면 앞바닷가를 강아지를 데리고 산책하곤 하던 모습과 상관이 있을까요? 이런저런 잡동사니를 모아다가 개인사물함에 넣어두거나, 도토리를 열심히 모으셨던 모습과 상관이 있을까요? 늦가을이 오면 늘, 종일 당신 키만한 빗자루를 들고, 온동네 낙엽을 쓸어 모으시던 모습과 상관이 있을까요? 그렇게 바지 사러 가자 해서, 사오면, 신주단지 모시듯 옷장에 모셔놓고, 굳이 헌바지와 헌옷을 입으셔서, 새옷 사왔으니 새것을 입으셔야지요 하면, 에이 몰라 하고 훌쩍 가버리시던 모습과 상관이 있을까요? 무척 아프셨을텐데, 별로 아픈티를 내지 않아, 혹시 안아픈 것 아닌가 오해를 불러 일으켰던 말년의 몇 개월과 관련이 있을까요? 컵라면이 먹고 싶은데 없어요하고 지나가는 말로 하면, 슬그머니 라면을 사다가 방에 던져 놓고 가던 행동과 상관이 있을까요? 사람들 앞에 나서거나 드러나는 것을 너무 브끄러워하셨던 모습과 관련이 있을까요? 하느님은 당신을 무어라고 부르시던가요

함께 살아온 세월이 무색하게 당신은 알 수 없는 부분이 너무 많습니다.

삶에 대한 의지가 강하고, 자기 것에 대한 애착이 명확했던 당신을 생각합니다. 과연 하느님은 당신을 뭐라 부르셨는지요? 당신은 곁에 있기 그리 만만한 성격을 가지신 분이 아니었습니다. 함께 살며 얼마나 많이 에이, 영감쟁이하고 욕을 했는지 모릅니다. 아마 당신도 할 수만 있다면 박차고 나가버리셨을 것입니다. 그러나 당신은 그러지 않고 저와 우리와 함께 있었습니다. 어쩌면 그 함께한 이십여 년의 세월에 답이 있을지도 모르겠습니다. 저는, 우리는 기억하려 합니다.

도토리를 주울 때가 되면, 냉이와 다래가 움트는 때가 되면, 낙엽이 떨어져 빗자루를 들게 되면, 누군가 강아지와 앞바닷가를 산책하는 모습을 보게 되면, 계절이 바뀌기 전 새로운 옷을 사야 할 때가 되면, 누군가의 주머니가 온갖 잡동사니로 불룩한 모습을 보게 되면, 옷 입는 걸로 누군가에게 잔소리를 하는 자신을 발견하게 되면, 아 먹고 싶다는 내말을 듣고 누군가 말없이 컵라면을 사다 놓아 둔 것을 보게 되면, 누군가의 75수 생신 잔치를 해드리게 되면...

저는 우리는 당신을 기억하게 될 것입니다

 

하느님

김종구 어르신에게 당신의 평화를 주소서.

우리의 기억 속에서 그분의 평화를 누리게 해주소서.

 

 

-주후 2018년 초여름의 어느 날, 당신의 동행자 김현이 작별인사를 드립니다.

 

 

 *장봉혜림원에서 20여 년간 함께 생활하셨던 김종구님께서 지난 6132332분에 소천하셨습니다. 김종구님의 마지막 길을 함께 해 주신 모든 분들과 ()현진시닝에 깊이 감사드립니다. 

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